dddd

i'm a tad suicidal and very very depressed. sorry i'm letting y'all down by not posting anything exciting or original but i'm just very depressed. since you're already reading all those other blogs that are depressing maybe i should pretend to be happy. but i don't feel like it. i'm just too depressed.
so like a month and a half ago was having this weird thing reading. like i could read but it was hard and ditracting cuz i couldn't read normally. AND I STILL CAN'T!! I HATE MY LIFE! AND NOW I CAN'T READ SUBTITLES!!! where did THAT come from? i could still read subtitles a few weeks ago. i'm confused and retarded eye doctor doesn't know what's wrong and i'm dying because i can't read. I can't watch Amelie. AMELIE IS MY LIFE! HOW CAN I NOT BE ABLE TO WATCH IT! I USED TO LOVE SUBTITLES

but now i can't read them

i hate this



so sad


someone
help

Incomplete

I feel very incomplete. I'm reading these other people's blogs and not only do I feel guilty because I'm fairly content, but I also feel stupid and trivial. LIke, I don't have these kind of problems and I'm easily made happy. I feel...very incomplete. Worthless. but the thing with me is...it's like that's ok. I'm ok with the simplicity of that when I stop thinking about it. But am I really living if I ignore these thoughts??? But that's just it...now I'll ignore THAT thought, and I'll be fine. I'm always fine.

Anyway, I revisited a novel I started writing a while ago and it's actually pretty good but it's confusing and I can't remember what the rest of the story was going to be, because it was complicated. It's really annoying.

I strongly recommend The Hours to everyone. It's STUNNING.

viva la...whatever

hey y'all!!! sorry for my prolonged absence

ok well it seems like i'm not fitting in peoples!!! I'm not a goody-goody person but i'm not all-out rebelling either, which i kind of want to do, but i'm not brave enough. I admire those who do...ugg. Well, we're going to the mountains this weekend so i can clear my mind and LISTEN TO MUSIC!! Everyone, buy Mr. Blue Sky by electric lightorchestra and buy any songs by they might be giants. woot. Sorry this bloggy post is a little unstructured. well my week was ok, just frustrating and i think i became a more accepting person this week!!! major woot!! I'd want to be mad at people but then i'd find me being mad at mySELF for being mad. well ya.

sigh. so much lack of communication this weekend. NO COMPUTER BUDDIES!!!! oh well. hope y'all have good weekends.

i feel bad because my post isn't that long. so let me end this by saying.

"YOU ROCK" (cuz if you're reading this, you obviously rock.) and email me or tell me "yaya goo" and i'll hug you!!! sound fun???

HEY!!!--oh no

I am SO WEIRD!!!! I'm having crazy doubt things!!!! I spent the entire day (the ENTIRE DAY) worrying if I could still read subtitles. How Lame is that??? I'll tell you. So lame that Lame has to be capitalized!!!! And Mackenzie was talking to me on the phone until she abruptly left leaving me ALONE. I tried to call her back but I don't know how. TEehee. And I don't want to go back to ms. miller's class. ug. I am so distressed about that. And the subtitles thing. I don't know why though. I think I'm going crazy.

So I was absent today because I was having MAD ALLERGY SPASMS and my throat hurt REALLY BADDISH so i thought I had a TERRIBLE COLD and I stayed home from school. Which turned out fine because I got to watch Match Point on HBO. TEEHEE!!! It was really good. Anyway, now I'm incredibly distressed because I don't want to go back to Ms. Miller's class. What if she's upset when she finds out??? What if i can't stay???? I DON't UNDERSTAND WHY MY LIFE HAS TO BE SO TRAUMATIC!!!!!! And I'm going blind again. Except this time I know I don't need glasses because I know that what happened last time is happening again (bad allergy weather=dry eyes.) But I digress.

The week has been ok so far, except for the absence of Yasameen which has been mildly TERRORIZING!!! It's oddly quiet. TAT!!

And. I. Am. Feeling. Strange.

OHOHOH---IIIIII (I, myself) AM FEEEEEELIN STTTTTTTTTTTTTRANGEEEEE!!!!!!!!! And upset!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SO!!!!!!!!! UPSET!!!!!!!!

Lazy lazy lazy...or....not i guess

well...ok there have been things going on you know like writing poems and thinking and stuff but i haven't wanted to think or try really. Like...man this is hard to put to words....so there was this poem I was supposed to write and eventually i did it but i just didn't want to think or try and i guess i was being lazy...or I was just afriad to try because I thought I would fail myself. Like that whole thing last post about how I thought i was stupid...i guess i don't want to try thinking or having in-depth discussions or writing meaningful poems because I'm afraid that if I try i won't be able to accomplish anything worthwhile and I'll feel horrible and depressed and (yet again) really stupid. And yes, I can attribute part of that to laziness and I know right now that I need to stop because if I'm too afraid to cross the bridge because I'm tired and I'm afriad I'll fall off I'll never get anywhere and I'll never know what's on the other side. WHOa epiphany-ness. And i've taken the first step by writing this!!! I'm excited.

Sigh

I always look forward to the weekend the whole week long and then on Saturday I'm depressed. WHY? WHY?
GACK!!!!!!!! And I thought my movie obsession would be over, but I'm STILL obsessed. (Can you believe it??) However, I'll spare you all and won't talk about them.
Anyway, so last night was good because i had SUSHI!!!!!!!!!!!!!! which I prepetually crave. Man, why am I so BORING??? I have nothing to write about. How. Annoying.
Well my book is really good and I encourage you all to read it!!!!! It's called I am the Messenger by Markus Zusak. Wowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww my life is boring.
Anyway, uhh tonight I'll talk to Lacey, I promise. Last week I was going to but she wasn't there. HOW annoying. And, and, and, i dunno.
I slept on the couch. it was vastly uncomftorable. And cold. but i survived.
i thought this weekend was going to be good
i was depressed all week too because i thought i was stupid ( i still do but i'm pretty much over it now) but whatever. Why would you care if ME doesn't even care. ( I know that was atrocious grammar, sorry, but you can't put "I" in all caps cuz it already is and it was getting the right effect.) ok. well
bye,
depressed me

miso soup awaits

HAHA NASTY BLOGGERSSSS!!!!!!

So.....well the Academy Awards were annoying (Babel got only ONE??? WHAT???) but it was enjoyable. So...actually I have to go have miso soup (and empty the dishwasher.)
I'll be back soon. (Sorry.)